Finding ‘myself’ has been my biggest wonder of self-discovery. Perhaps it is because I am the youngest child and was abandoned at the age of three. Some astrologers’ say that it is because of the month and year I was born.
I tend to think it has more to do with being raised in an orphanage where control and conformity was the name of the game. I believe it’s, in part, a fact of growing up in the God-fearing ‘South’…in Louisiana…where it was ingrained in my head always to be polite, never to express anger or a conflicting opinion. There, it was driven home to me, that as a ‘lady,’ I was to let the man make all the decisions and that it was my job just to support him. Whatever, the reason, I find that it has taken over 40 years to discover just who ‘I’ am!
Truly it has been and still is, my hardest lesson in life to learn to be true to myself. I have spent years upon years in the survival mode of bending to the will of others and blending into the lives of the men in my life.
Yet what I have discovered is that I am happiest when I am just ‘me.’ I am happy when I know that the life I am living is filled with animals, nature, peace and harmony. I am happy when I can pursue my career and leisure goals without reprisal or conflict with my partner. And I am happiest when I know I am being strong and true to ‘who’ I am.
This is not to say that I do not have room for compromise with my partner. I am very good at this because I enjoy ‘giving.’ I love making my loved ones happy.
And yet my discovery that it is best to be true to myself has been empowering. I find that I am finally able to make much better choices about a prospective partner and friendships. I enjoy knowing that I now have boundaries and limits to what I will, and will not do.
Of course, there are times when I truly enjoy playing the role of the little lady of the house. Yet I also revel in the excitement of being willing to risk failure to achieve my career goal. Ultimately, I find it exhilarating to live life to the fullest by just being ‘me.’